Change in the Light: Shapeshifter Romance (Lightbearer Book 4) Read online

  “I know that,” he snapped back, glancing over his shoulder when his voice rose with his agitation. “She isn’t safe here. She lives in a shitty part of town, and she got beat up at some point in the last twenty-four hours. I can’t leave her here.”

  Matt’s sigh was resigned. “Look, I like her, too, Josh. She’s a good person. And Maddy can’t shut up about the pretty red-haired human. I don’t want anything to happen to her, either. But the fact is, she’s human. She isn’t like us. You cannot move her into this pack and think everything’s going to be okay. Because it won’t be. For every shifter like Maddy, there are ten who think humans are like annoying mosquitoes and should be kept on the other side of the screen. And five more who think they’re worse than that. Jeanine’s been spreading some vicious shit since she ran into Rachel in the kitchen yesterday.”

  “Jeanine can shut her mouth or find a new job.”

  “She’d take the new job in a heartbeat. You gonna kick her out of the pack, too?”

  “I might.”

  “No, you won’t. Goddamn it, Josh. Move Rachel into a condo down the road. A gated community. A human gated community. Go visit her whenever you need your fix, but do not—I repeat—do not bring her into this pack.”

  “Ready to go?” he asked when Rachel peeked her head out of her apartment. She nodded and he disconnected the call.

  * * * *

  “Matt doesn’t seem terribly happy I’m here.”

  “He’ll get over it.” Josh deposited her bags at the foot of the bed. His bed. He would prefer to crawl into it now, wrap his arms around her and fall asleep together, the rest of the world be damned. But he couldn’t. Instead, he strode to the walk-in closet and moved his clothing from one rack to another.

  “There’s plenty of room in here for you to hang your stuff. And this dresser right here is practically empty. Feel free to fill it up.” He left the closet and headed into the master bath. “This entire cabinet is empty. Put anything you like in here. Toothbrush holder.” He pointed. “Towels are over here. That’s a towel warmer, for wintertime. If you prefer a different kind of soap, just let me know.” He went into the attached sitting room, conscious of Rachel following him.

  “I have a mini fridge in my office. Tomorrow I’ll have it brought up here, and I’ll instruct Jeanine to fill it with food and drinks. I know you like fruit and chocolate more than I do—” He managed to flash a grin, which she answered with a fleeting smile of her own. “—so I’ll make sure she goes shopping. This is going to sound bad, but it’s probably best if you spend your time here, in this suite, when I’m not around.”

  “I can figure something else out. It’s okay. I don’t want to cause you any more grief—”

  He cut off her protest by sweeping her into his arms and kissing her, breaking it off abruptly when she winced, presumably from pain. “You are not causing me grief. Trust me, it’s been a long time since I’ve looked forward to something as much as I’m looking forward to you sharing my bed tonight.”

  That elicited a smile. He kissed her forehead. “I just need to sort out some things. Make yourself comfortable. Take a bath, read a book, sleep, whatever you want. I’ll be back as quickly as I can manage. Okay?” He gently pushed her to arm’s length, wanting to see her face. The bruises she hid remarkably well, yet he could still see. He was almost afraid to see what she’d look like when she washed off the makeup tonight.

  If he could figure out who the hell injured her, he would exact revenge. His shifter sensibilities encouraged him to seek and destroy. She was his—well, she really wasn’t, but his emotions, his body, weren’t interested in semantics. He tried to pretend he would feel this angry over any woman who had been hurt like Rachel so obviously was, but he was lying to himself. Sure, he’d be upset and angry if it was someone else, but this, this was personal.

  “I’ll be fine. A bath sounds nice. A glass of wine wouldn’t hurt, either.”

  “That I can do. I’ll be right back.”

  By the time he returned to the suite with a bottle of merlot and two glasses, she had assembled her toiletries in his bathroom and unpacked half of one suitcase. He liked the way the bathroom counter looked with all her girly shit on it. Even if it really wasn’t much. Part of her appeal was her natural beauty, and the fact that she did little to highlight it. He’d dated women who lugged around an entire makeup counter’s worth of crap just to go camping for the weekend. Rachel was a refreshing change to that. To a lot of things in his life.

  He half-filled a glass and offered it to her.

  “You don’t want any?”

  “I do, but I have to go downstairs to my office and take care of some business first. So don’t drink it all.”

  Her smile was sad. He frowned. The niggling suspicion there was more to the bruising on her face than she let on hit him again. Well, she was safe now. Shaking it off, he pulled her into another hug, then promised to be as quick as he could, and hurried from the suite.

  * * * *

  “How would you feel about taking over the pack?”

  The look on Matt’s face was so shocked, Josh had to tamp down the urge to laugh.

  “You’re my beta,” he pressed. “Hell, you’ve been doing a better job running this pack than I have the last few weeks.”

  “That’s because you’ve been thinking with your dick, ever since you met Rachel. Or rather, not thinking at all.”

  Screw the wine. Josh pulled the stopper out of a crystal decanter and poured a generous amount of whiskey into two lowball glasses. He handed one to Matt and took a hefty swallow from the other.

  “I want her, Matt. I want her completely. Every time I catch a glimpse of her from behind, all I can think of is bending her over the nearest piece of furniture and making her my mate.” He wasn’t usually so forthcoming with personal information, even with Matt, but he was desperate. And maybe if Matt heard his plea, he would help.

  “Shit.” Matt dropped into one of the leather armchairs facing Josh’s desk and drained his glass. “This isn’t good, cuz.”

  Josh decided the familial term was a good thing. He lifted the decanter and added more whiskey to Matt’s glass.

  “You aren’t trying to get me drunk so I’ll agree to this, are you?”

  Josh shook his head and wandered over to stand in front of the floor-to-ceiling window. “No. I’m not. But you’d make my life a hell of a lot easier if you did agree.”

  Matt sat forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “Come on, man. I’m not a pack leader. I get that I’m your beta, but that’s because you’re the pack leader, not because I actually want the position. We’ve grown up together. You’re my best friend. I’d do almost anything for you. But not this. And frankly, I don’t think this is what you really want.”

  Josh pressed his palm against the cool glass of the window. “I can tell you how many times it’s almost happened, if you want.”

  “That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the position of pack master. You’re damn good at it, and I think you like it, or at least take pride in it. It’s just that good sex has muddled your brain, made it hard to think clearly.”

  “It’s not just good sex. Hasn’t it ever occurred to you why I haven’t taken a mate, despite having been pack master for heading on two years now?”

  “It occurs to me every damn day. Especially on those days when Pantera starts pulling his bullshit and I’m afraid he’s going to do to you what he did to your parents.”

  “Jesus, give up the conspiracy theory already. He didn’t kill my parents.”

  “He could have arranged it.”

  “You think he arranged to have a semi spin out on black ice and slam into my parents’ vehicle? Okay, maybe you aren’t the best choice to take over this pack.”

  “That guy is capable of way more than either of us can even imagine. He’s unstable. He’s been obsessed with taking over as pack master for damn near his entire adult life, and the longer it takes him to reach his goal
, the more volatile he becomes.”

  It wasn’t the first time Matt had gone off on a rant about Pantera, and Josh had no doubt it wouldn’t be the last. “Anyway, the reason I haven’t taken a mate is because I want what my parents had.”

  He clearly wasn’t happy about it, but Matt allowed Josh to change the subject. “What’s that?”

  “Love. Bone-deep, intense, unconditional love. The kind that used to gross me out when I was a kid. I can’t even tell you how many times I walked into a room and interrupted them flirting with each other.” He made a face. “And yet, that’s exactly what I want. What I have with Rachel.”

  “You can have that with a shifter,” Matt insisted. “You just haven’t found the right one yet. You can’t mate with a human. The pack will never forgive you.”

  “That’s why I want you to take over. With you as pack master, I’d feel comfortable leaving so I can be with Rachel.”

  “You are fucked up in the head.” Matt pushed out of his chair so violently the piece of furniture skidded backward on the wooden floor and bumped into the wall across the room. “I don’t want the position. And even if I agreed, haven’t you ever noticed my reluctance to take a mate? This pack can’t have a leader who isn’t willing to take a mate, settle down, and produce a few pups to carry on the responsibility. Hell, you’re a better option than me, in that respect.”

  “I wasn’t keen on taking a mate, either, until I met Rachel. Now I can’t stop thinking about making her mine. It’ll be the same way with you. Except you’ll actually do it with a shifter.”

  “No.” That one word held an ocean of emotion. “I will never take a mate. So if you want this pack to stay in our family, I suggest you get your head on straight. Immediately.” He lifted the glass to his lips and finished off the whiskey before placing it on the desk and walking toward the door. He paused with his hand on the knob, and spoke without looking at Josh.

  “When you’re ready, give me the word. I’ll find a place for her. A nice, safe condo. I’ll make all the arrangements, make sure everything’s paid for and in her name. And then I’ll make sure you have no idea where it is when I take her there, so you won’t be tempted. And I suggest you make this decision sooner than later.”

  Josh watched him leave the room, draining his own glass as he did so.

  Chapter 11

  When the alarm on Rachel’s phone went off the next morning, Josh lay on his stomach, on top of her. She was sprawled on her stomach on the bed. Their bodies were almost perpendicular to one another. He felt her body move as she reached over and tapped the screen, silencing the alarm.

  He flexed his hips and instantly went hard as his erection rubbed against her supple, firm ass. It felt so good, he did it again. He wanted to twist his body, grab that ass and pound into her from behind. He wanted to claim her, to declare to his pack, to the shifter world, that she was his.

  Shifters by nature were prone to feel these sorts of urges when faced with a potentially perfect mate. And those born to the role of leader—of pack master—like Josh, were more predisposed than the rest. His body and mind were hardwired to seek out and desire to mate with a female who would be a good match—a good mate, and a good mother to his future offspring.

  He was both shocked and oddly turned on by the starkness of his need. Unfortunately, his shifter predisposition was flawed. He’d chosen a human, not another shifter.

  The real question, of course, and the one that was the most difficult to answer was: what did he intend to do about it? Having sex with her shifter style would be infinitely satisfying—for the short term.

  But then what? What did he tell his pack? What did he tell Rachel?

  “Yeah, Rachel, you know how we just had sex? Me taking you from behind? Pretty fucking awesome, wasn’t it? Good. Guess what? You’re my mate now.”

  Hell, in her reality, the term mate didn’t exist. They were called husband and wife, and they didn’t just have sex and declare themselves together forever. They had long courtships and elaborate ceremonies involving religious figures and big white dresses and lots of food and drink. She would probably laugh at him.

  Even if she did accept it, then what? He was expressly forbidden by the laws of the magical community to tell her about himself—what he was, what he could do. If humans didn’t understand it or accept it as real, then he couldn’t tell her.

  How could they possibly have any sort of real relationship if he couldn’t share the most important aspect of his life?

  And what about the pack? Few were as open-minded as Matt, who had never begrudged Josh his preference for human women—until it began to adversely affect the pack.

  They were an exclusive bunch, as he’d told Rachel, and they did not tolerate strangers or strange beings—especially humans. No matter what, he was fucked. He couldn’t take her to mate and therefore he couldn’t stay with her forever, regardless of how much he craved the idea. He was the pack master, and at some point, he would have to produce an heir or two, to carry on as the future leader of the pack. Otherwise, the process of choosing a new pack master was a long, bloody, frustrating affair, and Josh did not want to be responsible for causing such an issue to befall his pack.

  He smoothed his hand over her backside again, lamenting all those things that could not be. Rachel stirred and wiggled that lovely ass, tempting him further.

  “M-m-m,” she murmured, her voice sounding almost like a purr. “I like it like this.” She teased him, lifting her ass into the air, a blatant invitation. God, he wanted to grab her hips and pull them toward him as he—

  His phone vibrated, rattling on top of the bedside table where he’d left it the night before. Cursing under his breath, he reached over and connected the call without looking at the screen.

  “What?” He didn’t hide his irritation at having been interrupted. It annoyed him further at the relief he felt at the interruption. He just couldn’t win.

  “You’re fucked, Josh,” Matt said through the phone.

  “Tell me something I don’t know,” he muttered.

  “I mean it,” Matt said more insistently. “Pantera is on some kind of mission and I hate to say it, but it’s working.”

  “What now?”

  “He showed up at the Hendrix’s home last night. Was all flowery prose and political jargon and crap. They all fell for it, even Carmen, who was totally Rachel’s advocate at first.”

  “What are you trying to say?”

  “I’m saying Pantera is convincing everyone that you’re ignoring your responsibilities to the pack. And you know how he is. He’s a fucking politician. He’s not going to challenge you outright because he knows he’ll never win. Instead, he’s going about it in this sneaky, backstabbing way, and I’m telling you it’s working.”

  “What the hell is he telling everyone?”

  “That you care more about humans than your own pack,” Matt replied. “He knows about Rachel. He knows you haven’t been around. He knows, Josh. And he’s spreading it around the pack right this minute. While you’re thinking about screwing your girlfriend before you climb out of bed, he’s busy taking over your fucking pack.”

  Josh glanced at Rachel. Her eyes were closed and there was a faint smile on her face, but he knew she wasn’t asleep. Despite Matt’s dire warnings, he still wanted nothing more than to disconnect the call and show her just how awesome sex was, shifter style.

  “Maybe that’s not such a bad thing,” he said slowly, his gaze travelling the length of her body, from her thin ankles, up her shapely legs to the rounded ass and the sharply curved waist, along the smooth back to her silky hair...

  “What?” Matt’s startled tone pulled Josh from his reverie. He shrugged, even though Matt couldn’t see the gesture.

  “He clearly wants the position more than I do. Maybe I should just let him have it.”

  “Who the hell am I talking to and what have you done with my cousin?”

  “I’m so fucking tired of fighting him for it.”

/>   “Regular sex has really messed up your brain. Put your dick back in your pants and get downstairs. Now.”

  They argued for a few more minutes, until Josh finally disconnected the call, rolled over onto his back, and dropped his head against the pillow, sighing gustily. Rachel propped her head in her palm and looked down at him, a frown marring her beautiful, although battered, features. A surge of anger coursed through his system, and he wasn’t sure if it was from the reminder of what she’d gone through, or what Pantera was doing to his pack.

  “Is someone trying to push you out of your position?”

  He gave her a startled look. “Why do you say that?”

  Rachel waved at the phone now perched on the bedside table. “That conversation. Others I’ve heard. Things you say. What’s his name?” She didn’t give him a chance to deny it.

  He blew out a breath. “Pantera. Kent Pantera.”

  “Older? Younger?”

  “Older. Pretty slick guy.” He paused, and then added, “This role, it’s been in my family for half a dozen generations. When my grandfather was the—er—head of the association, Pantera challenged him for the position and lost, badly, and he’s held a grudge ever since.”

  Rachel lifted her hand and stroked his scruffy cheek. “You really do care. About your association, I mean. I think my presence in your life is messing with your equilibrium.”

  Josh laughed. “The only time I feel like my equilibrium is balanced is when I’m with you.”

  Rachel blinked rapidly, and for a moment, he thought she would cry. He rolled onto his stomach, flattening her on her back on the bed. He thrust his hips and bent his head and captured her mouth in a heated kiss.

  “I think I’m finding my equilibrium right now,” he murmured as his hands smoothed over her body, causing her to wiggle in obvious appreciation. And then he determined to set them both on fire, causing them to combust, causing them to lose all sense of time and consideration for anything at all, save their own mutual pleasure.

  And he tried very hard not to think about the fact that it felt like a bittersweet goodbye.